Pillowsophy No. 1 - Temporary State Of Life

Pillowsophy - thoughts that run as I lay my head and stare at the darkness of the ceilings trying to fall asleep.

Regrets? I asked myself, do I regret the things I didn’t do very well in life. Bad things. Or maybe the things I should have done but failed. I admit I do regret some things but what if those things would make me a different person now. If I did it or not do it, would I’ll be somewhere else rather than where I am at today or who I am today?

I can’t answer this for sure. And I don’t think anybody can. So I let it rest. The real question is, whether I am happy today? Who I am today?

As I write this, I think I’m happy today.Tomorrow? I wouldn’t know. I’d hope so. I think happiness is like dots of white on a big black paper. Sometime the dots are connected, sometimes they are apart. Some dots are bigger, some are smaller. It could be many many many dots that the black is just the pieces apart. I guess when that happens, that life is full of happiness.

But what is happiness?

For me happiness is a big word. So big I cannot define it in words. It’s something about feelings. It’s very subjective. Or maybe it’s because I don’t have that big of vocabulary to write about it. Some would say happiness is about freedom. And freedom is about having enough of money and time, to do the things we like whenever we like. I think that is almost true but there is something else missing.

I think happiness is a temporary thing. Life is temporary. Nothing is ours. If we can accept that fact that everything is temporary, then I think we will be happy. Even happy is temporary. But hey, the good news is sadness too.

And if we can accept the 'temporary' fact, then we would not get attached so much with anything. I mean everything. This world, our house, our cars, our wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, friends, this site, our handphones, our shoes, our money, our job, our siblings, our children, our country, ourselves.

Now that is kinda scary. But we humans have emotions, so we’ll be sad or angry if those things are gone. I know I would be. But the fact is everything is temporary. So why pursue them? ‘Coz life is really about the journey not the destination. So enjoy the journey, make it the best we can.

I thank GOD for some of these temporary things that bring me happiness…

1)      Understanding parents who sometimes doesn’t agreed on everything I do.

2)      Brothers & sisters who seems don’t care about what I do

3)      Friends who are sometimes there and sometime aren’t there

4)      The joy of playing sports with friends

5)      Music I love

6)      Food on the table and some money to burn

7)      This earth which provides trees & other living creatures

8)      Internet & arts

9)      Pirated dvds coz I don’t have enough money to buy originals

10)  Guitars and nike & adidas shoes

…And also all the bad times and adversities than make me the person I am today. Adversities, ah so many. My life is full of past black areas, sadness. I’m making white dots for myself and others with what I’m capable today hoping the journey will be whiter.