I'm sorry if I'm not going to be a good mom. Everyone thinks that I hate you. No, I'm not! In fact.. I do love you in a way that I can never put it into words. It's a beautiful bonding that only you can understand. I won't be a perfect mom, but I will try to be the best.

I'm sorry if I didn't take good care of you. I didn't care to take enough nutrition for you. I have a bad time digesting foods that are good for you. I'm trying my best, stuffing myself with what ever that I can. I won't let you starve with hunger..

It's quite difficult for me to accept the fact that I'm carrying you inside me.. but it's easy for me to accept you. It's 2 different things with different meaning. I suffer from a breakdown and people around me who don't understand will only add up my misery. How I wish to shut their mouth and please let me be alone by myself. I don't need their advice.


Dear Baby,


(If you are a girl)

To my baby, Elisa..

Your Daddy gave you this beautiful name. Actually it's based on a car's name, Lotus Elise. Oh, don't feel bad about it.. Elisa for me is a nice name. I will either call you Elly or Lisa.

Elly is a great friend of mine. I want you to be as good and as loyal as your aunt Elly. She always be by my side and we always have a good time together. You might not have her beautiful eyes but I hope that you will have all her good character. Her cheerful words and bright smiles will always lighten up my day. You will grow up as a fine girl and gain a lot of good friends. As long as you treat people like you want to be treated, you will never have any problem with your friends. Trust me!

Elisa.. Elly - Sara. I have another good old friend named Sara. You will always remember your Aunt Sara because both of you will share the same Birthday. (It might not be exactly the same, but the days will be close to 23rd of Jan). I want you to be as strong as your Aunt Sara and be brave at the same time. There is no obstacles in the world can hurt you as long as you know who you really are. Keep the high spirit and always remember that mommy will always support you from behind.

My Baby Elisa,

I have a lot of great friends. Ayun, Lily, Shu, Yati, Ayu, Fara, Limah, Mimi, A'an, Faza, Miza, Faz, Fiza, Hirda, Shamil, Bai, Uji, Sabil, Mek etc. etc. etc. (To Ally a.k.a Fadzly, if you are reading this.. please note that I only state female's name here, ok? hehe..) I can't named you after them 1 by 1 because you will have a hard time remembering your own name. Elisa binti Isa Yassir Arafat is just nice for you.

I always imagine that you will have a pair of sweet dimple like your Daddy. I want your hair to be long and smooth like mine so that I can clip it with a pair of beautiful butterflies hair clips every morning, before you go to school. I wish you will inherit my artistic talent and brain as genius as your daddy.

I want you to know that how lucky you are to be there on your mom's and dad's wedding. You will be wearing a beautiful baby dress and I will make a ring of flowers to be your crown on that day. You will be the witness of one of the most historical day of my life. I can guarantee that most of your friend won't be as lucky as you are, my dear..



(If you are a boy)

To my baby, Kimi..

I'm proud to say that I gave you this name. It's a cute name and based on my favourite F1 racer, Kimi Raikonen. I know that your dad is not too happy with this name but after a few argument, I let him choose another name for you. Until now he still didn't come out with any good name for you and I will stick to my own decision.. It will be Kimi (xxxxxx) bin Isa Yassir Arafat. Don't worry dear baby, give your dad some time to decide your name. We have another 6 months++ to think about this.

I want you to be just like your Daddy so that I can call you my Little Teddy. Your Dad is a great man and he always support me with all his heart. His heart is as pure as crystal and your can see right through in it. His honesty and care always keep my heart warm with his love. I can't imagine how wonderful it will be to have another person like you to love me like that.

You will be a sweet little boy, also with a pair of your daddy's dimple. Don't be too sad if you don't have them.. Girls will still be crazy about you as I do crazy about your Dad. Just be yourself and grow up to be a fine young man.

Your Dad used to be so creative when he was a little boy. He invented a lot of toys by his hand and he made money out of it. Maybe you can ask him a few good tips and I will just observe both of you quietly.

I wish both of you will have the same interest and I will be glad if you can accompany him to every motorshow events or race in Sepang. If you do love it, do it in a correct way. I don't want any of my son to end up as a 'mat rempit'.

About our wedding, it will be held few months after you are born. You will wear a nice baby suit with a red rose in your pocket. You will be the most adorable baby on that day and be prepared with all the kisses you will be getting from all my guest.




p/s: I won't give you this link to my blog. It's up to you to find it on your own. By that time, you'll be laughing, "Mommy's English is sooo bad!! My mom is too emotional.." I don't care what will you say then.. I just want you to know that.. "I love you"