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What a shocker

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Committing suicide is just a thought, lately

I keep visualizing scenes from the future

They don’t seem right, most entirely

Surprises? nothing is healed, steady humor

I see them (the future) right before my eyes

I swear I did;

They asked me to stop, whatever it is that I’m doing

No surprise, I didn’t.

Who was that guy I once fell in love with?

What was his name again?

And the other one I thought I was?

What happened to him then?

Sometimes you never listen when I say

You help and help, being wonderful

Let me go to that place

Where heartbreaks don’t matter

You sick thinking I’m not

I admire your faith, it keeps me sane

I live to show you, and then show you how

I am at my best self and surviving shitholes

Okay, will be my last word

Hearing it you’ll nod

The toilet again, and again, and again

I have no more to give or else I’ll die

I probably just need some attention

You’re probably right

I will most probably cut my wrist

Just for you, probably

Can’t cook, can’t decide, can’t clean, can’t give

Can’t be the one you wanted me to be

Depressed and sexy. Sex and depression.

Depressively sexy. Sex in depression.

Normalcy, doesn’t come easy

You wanna compare pain, I’m not in

Too lame and foolish to even care about you

I’m sorry, please leave and keep the secret with you

Get. Me. Out. Or not, not just yet

Let me process my very own instinct

Same settings, same sounds, same substances

In the deepest I hear myself scream

“You…are bad for me!”

I always remember a feeling, just

Grey to black and crimson feeling with warm and sailing feel to it

Sometimes I am ready to come home

But they won’t let me go simply

Then she died with my name not mentioned

At times I cried from sleep to wake

I asked her to come back again

I would like to cry by her side instead

I dig you deeper to find your darkness

I assume you are lonely too

But all evidence to contrary, hence

That’s the door for you to leave

‘Lost souls only’, if not

You’re either a hero or get lost in between


Suicide or not, please be surprised.

I will feel so much better.


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about the writer

Nina Chezter Sarif

A person, with nothing much to say, except to write
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