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What If I'm Superman...

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 The first thing I’ll do is change the dorky name ‘Superman’. It sounds so silly. Like bragging or some sort. Hey check it out I’m Superman! I mean c’mon it’s the new millennium already. Gotta keep up with the time u know. How ‘bout MOSH? It’s easy to remember, it’s sounds fresh. Just like BONO of U2, PINK, MOBY or SLASH of GN’R. It got that nice ring to the sound, MOSH! I like it! So it’s settled then, no more Superman. It’s MOSH! Hehehe...

Hey! And that goes the same with the shitty outfit also. They gotta go dude. I mean, are you crazy? Red underwear! And he wears it outside his pants! Duh! I mean, red undies would look great for ladies (e.g Wonderwoman or any girls for the matter), but for men, yucks! (Now you know why Clark Kent does not want people to know he’s Superman). We need a full make over here!

O.K, how about getting some sponsors for my new hip costume. Why not? I’ve done great things to help people all over the world, didn’t I? From helping cats stucked on high trees, fighting bad peoples preventing crimes, preserving peace, harmony and unity among mankind..bla bla bla. I deserved this,don’t you think so? Anyway it can help boost the sales of those who sponsored me right? Imagine Adidas or Nike sponsporing my new custom made boots. And my new outfit by Calvin Klein or DKNY or GUESS or any designer labels. I’m sure they’ll be happy. I know I will. Hey, and I need sunglasses too!

 

Next, I want 20% of profits of all merchandise related to me sold worldwide. Well, I gotta start saving for my future retirement you know. Do you think I will be flying and fighting everyday saving people asses until I’m 95 years old? Come on, I’ll get old too you know. Remember I crashed to earth when I was a baby? And remember I was Superboy before? I’m sure I’m gonna be super old later! And anyway, some bad guy will surely get me with the bloody kryptonite one day!

 

Hey, maybe I’ll get a TV producer for a reality TV program (these days people are crazy for reality TVs and this also means more money for my retirement fund..hehe). Maybe titled ‘The Super Life’. This could lead me to Hollywood. Now I got a better idea! I will run for Governor of California. I mean, I’m better, stronger and more handsome than Arnie. So if he can do it, why not me? And I speak better than him. Beware Arnie!!

 

There’s more to change if I’m Superman, I mean MOSH. One thing is that I will let people know who I am. No more Clark Kent! Anyway, I don’t like to be a hypocrite you know. And I’ve already loose that stupid outside red underwear remember? So no need to be ashamed anymore. Plus I don’t need to go for work at that shitty Daily Planet (it doesn’t pays good either). I’m a superhero! I already got loads of work around the world. Not to mention as a governor later (hehe) and attending interviews and photo shoots for mags etc.etc. I’m a Hollywood star too!

 

And, I will fly a lot less now. Actually, I’m afraid of heights (even though I know if I fell, I won’t get hurt). I just hate heights, period! Call me a sissy and I’ll punch you out! And also I will attend to only really really really emergency cases only. I mean you got the police, firemen, the army,the navy, boyscouts and volunteers everywhere in the world.And all of ‘em (‘cept the volunteers) are paid by the government and the people who pays tax. I don’t want they taking me for granted that I’m a superhero and I should do all their work for them. And also take me as an excuse to become lazy! I mean you all are paid man. So get to work! Anyway, I got only two hands and two feet o.k, so gimme a break!

I’m also thinking of setting a phone-in number, so people could dial for my help and consultation. It will cost $1.50 per minute and you can also send SMS to me too for 50ct per SMS. They can also visit my website at www.supadude.com, loads of quizzes and prizes to be won. They could also become a member of my fan club and get special privileges such as Nightfly (an evening fly with me around the city for 15 minutes,err..only for females though, with special discounts for club members).

 

Hey, come to think of it, I could do lot of things. I could open theme restaurants just like Planet Hollywood, a fitness centre, write a book, become a model, a talk show host and loads more stuffs. But I guess it’s better if I’m not Superman. And let Superman be Superman. ‘Coz I’m quite a procastinator myself. And that is bad. Imagine people in need of my help and I procastinated. By the time I reached the scene of the crime, these people could be dead! And what so super about a superhero who is afraid of heights?! Sooner or later people will go for other fine dude such as Batman, Spidey or even that green cousin of Shrek, Hulk! I don’t need to be a superhero to have a super time anyway. I just need my Washburn Dimebag guitar and a friend to jam with and I will have a super duper time! Right on!

Previous short story:
Tea For Two
Next short story:
Is 'he' for real?
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