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Is It Over Yet?


Whenever I see you,

I'll swallow my pride

And bite my tongue

Pretend I'm okay with it all

Act like there's nothing wrong


Is it over yet?

Can I open my eyes?

Is this as hard as it gets?

Is this what it feels like to really cry?



Ida clicked on the loop button on her music player so that Kelly Clarkson's Cry kept on playing until she's in the frame of mind to click the stop button for the player to stop. The song kept on playing like a flowing river and so does her tears that couldn't seem to stop flowing down her cheek. The more she tried to calm herself from crying the more hurt she felt and more tears streamed down her cheek.

No, the song may not be what she's going through exactly. But the pain in the melody is deep enough to relate to her. She had been crying since dinner and she couldn't care less if other people saw her crying anymore. She just couldn't bear the pain and she just hope that he could see how much she is hurting. Ever since they got back together after the break up, she have been feeling down almost all the time and is constantly crying. She just wish that he could stop hurting her so much.

Ida knows that if she ever told anyone how hurt she is, they will just kept saying "he doesn't deserve you, girl" or "you're worth more than this" or "you've got to start loving yourself, babe". But they don't know how she feels about him. Sometimes she just can't bear the pain. But most of the time, she would rather be hurt than live without him. She just loves him too much. Her love for him is just too much to contain in her heart that sometimes it just hurts when he doesn't realise how much she loves him. Obviously he doesn't understand how much she loves him or he would've stopped hurting her long ago.

She's just not strong enough to let him go. Why oh why?

And with her current depression stage, it just doesn't help when he keeps on hurting her over silly matters. Just last week she lost control of herself during a fight and she started screaming hysterically and scratched herself where it left a scar on her hand. But she doesn't want him to stay because he feels bad about her. She just wants him to change. He's not the guy she fell in love with. He's not the same person she knew 3 years ago.

If only she have the answer.

If only she could make him to stop hurting her.

If only she could make the pain go away...

Ida fumbled through her medicine drawer looking for the sleeping pills that her therapist had prescribed her.

Her hand shook as she tried emptying the bottle spilling some of the medications onto the floor.

Ida took the glass of water on her bedside table and sat down on her bed. She swallowed a handful of the pills and laid her head on the pillow.

As she closed her eyes she thought...

Maybe, just maybe, when she's gone, he would realise how much she had loved him and would regret hurting her this much.

As her mind drifted Ida knew that she wouldn't have to ask that one particular question that she always ask herself everytime she open her eyes in the morning.

Is it over yet?


P/S: I've just realised that both of my short stories are about depression. Haha. Sorry about the depression obsession. My final year project are based on that. Which explains why. I've to work with it 24/7. Please bear with me.

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  • 1) is that painful huh?

  • (Author)
    2) sometimes we think it's stupid for people to commit suicide over love. but we don't really know what they're thinking.

    i study depression and suicide for my project. it somehow changed my perspective.

    maybe it is that painful. we might never know. these kind of people need help. that's why it's important for their partner to at least try to understand them and bear with them. it's important for them to have a healthy relationship.
  • 3) it isn't over until it is. Suicide puts an end to life, what most ppl forgotten is; there's life in the afterlife - Shoot! i shouldn't have taken those pills!..hmmm..
    p/s: imma big fan of depressive matters
  • 4) this is good..
    i like it..
    depression do kills people rite?

  • (Author)
    5) ninasarif: haha. yea. but from my research, being depressed has got nothing to do with religion. you know i've seen people who's alim but are still depressed.

    mizz_aszni: thank you. depression is just like any other health problems. it could get chronic and yes, it sometimes kills you slowly on the inside.

    i was under the impression that depression is still an unspeakable subject among malaysians. im glad that people are being more open towards the matter nowadays.
  • 6) for me
    it's very important to let it out
    at least to a few friends because you would want help
    you don't want to kill or being killed for it right?

    i like reading things about depression butyou know
    always caught up with things
    but i like this
    sometimes you love someone so much that you hurt them or yourself

  • (Author)
    7) yes, sometimes talking about it helps. but not all the time. people with depression often shut themselves out from the world.

    thanks for liking it.
    and i agree with you. sometimes you love someone so much that it hurts.
    i was trying to relate the story to that and im glad that people like it
  • 8) wow~~~ depression means danger! but i like the way u express in ur writting
  • 9) depression...depression...
  • 10) *speechless*

    well. i had friends who tried to end their lives due to was sad. VERY sad, actually. but then i always discover from them its all about opening up; ur soul, ur mind, ur heart, perspective and all that.

    ah anyways, i love short pieces like this. reminds me of something i can barely do

  • (Author)
    11) yeah, i've had a friend tried to end her life once. what i did was, i slapped her in the face to wake her up coz she was like in a trance. amazingly, it worked. lol. but that was long before i knew stuff about depression.

    thanks for liking it though i would prefer yours. i don't care if it's long or short. as long as it's good. ^_^
  • 12) wow pretty simple there. pretty lucky, i guess. as simple her wishes for death, solution pun simple huhu.

    thank you, too, for liking them

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