The old man was sitting opposite the younger man at the dining table having their breakfast. I myself was seated nearby, also eating what they were having. At first, I was merely having a normal breakfast, trying to finish up the uninteresting overcooked scrambled eggs on my plate. The old man then started talking to the younger one; I noticed something odd with the old man with the way he was addressing the younger man. He was talking in a normal tone to the younger man but at the same time it seemed like he was trying to pressure the young man with discomfort and uneasiness.
Maybe I was being too sensitive and touchy but I remember eyeing the old man feeling agitated. I was now looking at his frown and noticing the pain behind his eyes, immediately the notion that I could I identify with the old man came over me. I should probably call the old man by a name, it only seems appropriate; let’s call the old man Dol. And then I got to thinking that I and Dol, We were not that different. As I looked at his old aging face I couldn’t help but also notice that the hair on his head was almost all white.
Dol kept on staring at the younger man and I was at Dol; he only shifted his eyes slightly when the young man took notice. However the younger man was totally oblivious to what was going on. Let’s call this particular young man, Uth. Dol, looked like he was a battle with himself trying really hard to suppress whatever it is that was going through inside him, he started to put his focus on the food he was eating instead of persisting on glaring at Uth.
Now then, a little on Uth, Uth was a young man who once you set eyes on him…once you set eyes on him you can’t help but instantly notice how incredibly handsome and how perfectly molded of a specimen he was. He was the type of person, who attained everything he wanted. Uth was a smooth talker and had the confidence of skyscrapers but he didn’t really had to sweet talk to get what he wanted. A smile was sufficient.
However this made him insensitive and inconsiderate towards others. He had the tendency to blurt out awful degrading comments and was often too fond to boast about how good and smart he was in manipulating people. I myself didn’t have anything personal against him and saw it as his search for identity and a phase his young mind was going through.
Surely with good looks, good fortune and the ignorance of living a difficult life would lead to such consequences.
It got annoying though when he started talking about the girls he been with and started to show pictures of them. But it didn’t bother me as much as it did the old man I suppose. I was actually quite impressed looking at his trophies and tokens that he didn’t hesitate to flaunt. I’ve been out with Uth plenty of times and it was amusing to see and compare Uth to other guys. Other guys put a ton of effort and do a whole lot of special things to get into a girl’s heart. Uth just had to be present and he had them in his grasp. I often smiled when I saw how other men looked at him with envy and some with anger.
Dol on the other hand, said to me that despite his years of living, half of the things mentioned by Uth were completely foreign to Dol. To add to Dol’s misery, Uth who was young enough to be his son; Uth had properties and had done things that Dol still haven’t done and will probably never have. And all that Uth procured with little trouble. It was only obvious that Uth was not aware of the tension and bitterness flowing around him. Uth was from a different generation and his parents were quite well off. To him it seemed normal and was his birth right to own these luxuries.
I planted my eyes on Dol now, I saw myself in him, he had pain, remorse and dissatisfaction I turned my gaze at Uth now, I thought that I also saw myself in him, he had oblivion, ignorance, arrogance and a hint of happiness in him.
The old man looked weary, with not much fight left in him. His voice was hoarse and like all old people he was cranky. I felt disgust enveloping me, I soon found myself taking fault at Dol’s immaturity. Though I could identify with him, doesn’t mean he had a reason to express his anger towards another.
Immediately a thought came to me, am I being disrespectful to the elderly? Yes, I was. But doing so without showing does not count, right? Knowledge and wisdom earns respect. Old age are deserving of respect. I do agree with that, just not a 100 percent, maybe 80 percent. It is not easy respecting someone evil or someone who thinks that they’re good and delude themselves by doing good deeds in return to be stereotyped as a good godly person.
But fear and fret not old man, the young man though not yet introduced to the disparities and the unfairness of life; life has its way on, corrupting one’s mind. In most cases they’re already confused and unaware hedonists. Some are delusional and deluded enough into believing the most absurd things. For this I constantly feel timid, weak and constantly in awe at the capability of the mind. Besides nothing lasts forever, he will eventually age and his glory days will eventually come to an end. I was conversing with the old man, Dol in my head.
An uneasy emotion ran through me, something wasn’t right. A few seconds later, a distant sound of metal clattering was to be heard, I stretched forward and set my eyes on the gate in front. Someone familiar was opening the gate, more relatives! I groaned. One of the younger ones were Opening the gates to make way for their cars to get in, there were two. Great, I sighed and climbed upstairs.
As soon as they settled in, the chattering commenced. Their overwhelming presence was evidently felt and I could literally feel the lessening of breathing air in the house; I decided to go out for a walk. I walked past them smiling meekly whilst cursing inside.
I enjoy slow walks; they have the ability in making me feel alive. Although the air wasn’t clean, the atmosphere was still good and walking slowly obviously made the world appear less hasty. Nearly 10 minutes passed by, I was still walking at the side of the road until I suddenly noticed something and came to an abrupt stop. I was in a state of delirium. Was I dreaming? I moved my toes hidden in my shoes, slapping myself would’ve appeared too obvious and highly exaggerated.
Guided by the bright sunlight, an angel descended from the heavens above. Of course I knew straightaway she was the one or perhaps that’s what I wanted to think. But I wasn’t really thinking, you know. Nevertheless, I was dedicated and had to make sure not to let her slip away.
I walked patiently towards her and established conversation…I always liked the word ‘establish’ it gives one the impression of something accomplished or something successfully built.
Back to the topic, she was well spoken, well mannered, so gentle and observant. I figured all that whilst speaking to her and at the same time forming an opinion. She was obviously taught well in mannerism and on social skills. I on the other hand was extremely clouded and the decisions I made were hugely influenced by the way she looked. She was so beautiful that I wanted to confess and express the love that I felt for her, of course I didn’t.
To my liking and to your surprise, it went well. How often do you (I) get to make good conversations with an extremely good looking person, who is not too dumb or too shallow? This gave me hope, high hopes!
Once again to your surprise, we made arrangements to meet again. I was floating with ecstasy, my mind affected by mushy feelings. She was noble as she was pretty, her beliefs and opinions remarkably piety. I was surprised, I was shocked, I felt as if I’ve just dug out and discovered the world’s most exquisite treasure. I became obsessed with her, I wanted to know and learn all about her, and I plastered myself in her presence.
And so I began to learn, despite not being able to keep a level head, I noticed little things like how her actions contradicted with her remarks and on how she was obsessed with her beauty and on preserving it. But as it is no secret, I was in a trance I was demeaned to this sickly one sided love. My extravagant fascination, shooed away any incoming thoughts that disagreed with my passion and the way I felt for her.
On our second outing out, she asked me on what I do for a living and questions regarding my stability. Of course she didn’t ask that straight away, but her questions were formed in such a way, just more delicate and unsuspecting. I got the hint though and answered: I was a laborer, a weak creature dependant on many things. I am frail, insignificant, a normal human. The only stability that I can be sure of is on my instability. Of course it was dramatized, maybe even philosophized though completely true if thought about. But I was curious as to see how she’d respond.
Amazed was I when I witnessed a glint in her eye, unexpected and unlike the angel I bragged I knew. That is a sign, a bad sign I heard myself saying. Before I could rephrase or laugh off what I just said. She looked at me, her eyes as if pitying me, she smirked a little and smilingly said goodbye. She walked away! I raised my arm signaling her to stop.
My heart now broken into several pieces, as I clasped them in my hands, I looked down at them, they seemed impossible to mend. I wished I had then the benefit of doubt, a backup plan for when things go wrong. I fell about 20 feet from ground without any mattress to support my fall, I fell hard.
A few days later I gradually started to recover from my high fever. I busied myself with mostly useless things. But I was being professional about it; no matter the method…we only want results!
A few more days later, as I was still in the midst of recovering and a little bored of video games, I decided on doing something healthy. I went for a walk, a walk that would be a painful one. As I was going about on my journey of self recuperate; to my surprise I saw Uth driving his mobile with the angel, the angel whom I once thought was mine, emitting her beauty to in the vicinity of her surroundings. They were both so beautiful, as much as I hated to admit they looked great together. I could’ve sworn they were releasing splendor as they made their way through.
I contemplated on dropping down and planting my fists on to the ground. But that seemed all overly acted and artificial. Instead I smiled embarrassed and impressed at the coming togetherness of two material creatures. Both meant for each other, the kings and queens of the world.
I could see my transparent thoughts, how foolish and naïve, how easily I fall into pot holes and traps. I see now how one’s tendency towards pleasure can ruin a whole night and let the consequences follow up to next morning.
The next morning, I was seated beside the old man opposite to Uth. The old man didn’t look angry, but he was making me angry. He wasn’t looking at Uth but at me, smiling and amused. He was observing my discomfort and obviously enjoying it. I tried to ignore Dol and was too engrossed in eyeing Uth sharply with envy and the growing of low self esteem. But his glare was too much to bear, ‘Let’s hope I don’t end up old and bitter like you, Dol’. I stated and I meant what I said coming back to my senses.
Dol studied me for a while, and almost apologetically whispered to me, ‘did he steal your girl too?’ at first I couldn’t muster nor digest his words. Too disturbed and confused with what I just heard. I decided that it was time to go out for a walk.