Singers. Brother. God

She who sings for me all the heartbreaking songs about being left alone at the corner of the bed, and waking up finding no one is there and being so deeply in love and lust on Sunday afternoon. All the right words are filling my head with beautiful, free-spirited melodies.

She and I are connected and hand-in-hand figuring out the answers and wonders in mind. Chills and pleasure that i am feeling could soon be over in just a second. All from different person and from this i could sense greed. And i'm not proud about it.

She sings songs that are never happy ending. No matter how hard i try. No matter how hard i believe but it seems to be one step further away. Like i'm at fault here. Like i'm the villain in my own story. Then i remembered my little conversation with Syafig (my brother).

"Do you notice that my love life is always sappy?" "Like I really deserve it. It's been planned out"

"I have a theory for that" (like he always had)

"Tell me please mister philosopher”

"Well, when God make u sad. It's only because of these 2 things." "One, punishment. You might do something bad before. Two, Hikmah. You'll probably gonna gain something from the pain."

"........." (I was in silence)

"So think about it. I love you and all...but stop bothering me. Now, out of my room"

Then there is a second lady singing me a song that relates to my past. A painful grip that i wish i could let go anytime soon. I knew i am so ready to do it but I don't. I'm battling myself in this impossible fight. I cry. I weep. I ask God why, even though i know I am not really HIS favorite at the moment. But HE is the only true listener. And i feel the strength back again.

"I think i know why God makes me sad"

"Good. You have your own theory. Let's hear it"

"Because HE loves me"