I think I have become one of those guys. You know, one that gives hope and then end up not being able to fulfil whatever task given to him.
I always have thought that I was a pretty darn good writer…well that was until I started writing for others. They give their opinions, want you to change your style and you know, you now basically write to satisfy others or what they think will be more satisfying for others.
To put it short, though it was a volunteer job…I in my bubble, lost the passion to write for the cause. Which I still support and believe in. I just got a dose of laziness that is preventing from submitting those works. To say, ‘shit happens’ is an understatement. It feels more like, ‘this shit never goes away’.
Who knows with a little effort I can bounce back or something positive like that. Though, it is a complete back-breaker, demotivational to be told to change one’s style and the format of writing.
Which could also explain why I have been…persistent in writing in my blog. Though I am not sure if persistent is the right word. Over here I can write, 'bla bla bla' and still consider it meaningful, well you get the point (speaking to myself).
As my boss walked towards his office just now, I noticed him turning his back checking up on me. Being more inclined and drawn to a pessimistic way of thinking, I’d say it wasn’t because he has started to recognize me. Well I shouldn’t care as long as I am able to complete the task given to me by him or so I think.
Speaking of being able to complete the task given to me, I reminded myself on how I still suck at ‘C’. A programming language that I have to teach/assist. I also feel the need to point out that instead of working on my problems; I am busy writing about it.
Don’t worry about it, I say to myself…
Erm, I think my writing of telling me not to worry for myself might have jinxed…myself...badly. As soon as I typed it, the IT head came in and I don't know under whos authority pretended to check my job and gave me a whole new horizon of work tasks. I could say I feel like crying but a manly person like me?
Now I am starting to think whether that was the reason my boss glanced back at me as he was heading to his room. Maybe he was feeling a little guilty for selling me out to another department whose head (the guy who checked on me) has been the talks of many disgruntled employees. That was my wish, albeit it could also be my good looks.
However starting today, I am to give one hour of my time to assist the IT department. This is however a ploy, a sleazy tactic. Pretty soon I’ll be working for both departments. I am after all an avid reader of books pertaining of manipulation, conspiracy and sleazy tactics. Not wanting to boast, I too have the ability to glare at a person and read his mind. Some people think that I am awesome.
As the famous saying goes, ‘nothing awesome continues to write more’ I now need to conspire on how to survive…it could mostly be very closely related to being a good and adhering slave. As usual I self-sympathize. Remember me in your prayers.
p.s. That probably puts and end to the spirit of my wanting to bounce back on the volunteer job.